10 Things To Remember When Your Doctor Is House

1. Don't lie to your doctor, he hates that.
2. It's not lupus. It's never lupus.
3. Beware the MRI machine of doom! Something bad always happens in there.
   
4. You will get a seizure at least once.
   
5. You may go into cardiac arrest at least once, but they'll zap you back to life, no worries.
6. You may bleed like crazy from your orifices too, watch out for that.
   
7. Leave the key to your home somewhere easy to find. Your doctors need to break in to save your life.
   
8. If you're taking drugs it means you have a serious problem. However, it's perfectly ok for your doctor to be an addict.
9. If you need a transplant, you'll probably get it. Your doctor always gets his way with such things.
10. If you're getting worse, it just means you're going to get better soon! Or maybe you'll die, which is a bummer.